Saturday, July 16, 2011

Ugh This Makes Me Sick

These greedy, greedy little studios continue to take classic doses of 80's cheese and turn them into angsty, post-Twilight, teenage, crap.  It's so bad that I haven't even heard of this tripe until today.  I typically have my ear to the ground for movies...all movies.  It's the The Howling Reborn.  See the trailer if you dare.
I've listed a few of the current remakes and remakes in the works.  This shows you how far they've gone and how far they intend to go with this remake mania.
  • Karate Kid 2010
  • Footloose (this shouldn't have been made in the 1st place)
  • The Thing (as long as it's a prequel--I'm cool with it)
  • Total Recall (w/ nasty-man Collin Farrell)
  • Evil Dead 
  • Clash of the Titans 2010
  • Piranha 2010
  • Conan
  • Fright Night
  • Red Dawn
  • They Live
  • Robo Cop
  • Nightmare on Elm Street 2010
  • Arthur 2011
  • Poltergeist
  • Escape from New York
  • The Last Star Fighter
  • Beverly Hills Cop
  • Dark Crystal
  • Bill & Ted
  • Flight of the Navigator
  • Child's Play
  • Firestarter
  • Short Circuit
  • Private Benjamin
  • Police Academy
As you can see from this list, nothing is sacred.  For some reason 'Dark Crystal' hits me the hardest. Are there anymore that you guys know of?

17 comments:

  1. I've got a whole page on my blog listing all of the horror ones and it disgusts me too. I've boycotted all the remakes of known movies (though not the Japanese ones which I wouldn't watch the originals of anyway). I think people who go out of their way to watch these things have lost all discernment and it's due to the "so bad, it's good" cult of lameness that has swept the world. There is seriously something very wrong with people who think that handycam movies, Troma or The Asylum dreck, or anything else which is feeble beyond belief but packed with loud noises and bad CGI is any good. No wonder the remakes continue to make profits as, compared to this other slew of shit, they obviously seem pretty good. Crappy films and remakes have killed horror now and it often makes me feel like doing a Barry Norman and giving up movies altogether. I'll always have the originals and the good films to watch so who cares what crap they put out from this point on really?

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  2. Me and my friends today were talking about The Thing trailer and how they kept saying prequel but the trailer has a mirror image of the original cast and even scenes from the original. I said if I saw a clip of them testing blood samples then I never want to hear that this won't be a remake. The latest howling remake news is atrocious. I love the howling and turning like you said everything into the Twilight formula is horrible. Even when they rereleased Near Dark on DVD they gave it like a Twilight cover wtf. It's really getting out of hand.

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  3. There are so many abominations on your list I can't speak to just one. Okay, I will. Arthur 2011??? For shame. Even making an Arthur 1999, while Dudley Moore was still alive, would have been atrocious.

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  4. Some of these are not neccesary and will flop.

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  5. I remember a John Carpenter interview I read where he had this idea for a continuation of his version of The Thing (which goes to show not all remakes are trash)and he was even going to use Kurt Russell and David Keith and explain their aged years by frost bite and the story would pick up the next day or something. I truly hope he shelved this idea.

    There is new version of The Thing in post production and this will have a female/graduate student hero in it. I liked the The thing for its absence of a female/student type character but I will probably check this out for comparison purposes. My understanding it is a remake of the story overall.

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  6. I agree with The Angry Lurker. I think about 90% of these (and I'm being generous) will most likely be terrible and will flop. And we'll always have the originals to go back to.

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  7. They run out of ideas. If a remake, but characterized, not simply revived with tits and noisy effects, there may be, is not so for the remake of EVERYTHING! And we want to talk about the script of the remake of "Evil Dead" also written
    by Diablo Cody?? O_O
    Poor cult eighties, we also ruin feelings and memories!

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  8. @Dr. Blood-- I think a boycott is a great idea. You are so right. This kind of stuff has killed horror. So much so that whenever a good horror movie comes out everyone's always surprised at how good it is. CGI does not a good movie make.

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  9. @slowd-- I myself am wondering more and more about The Thing being a true "prequel." If they mess that movie up...so help me.

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  10. @Elliot-- Agreed, there are so many atrocious items on that list. I mean who really needs a remake of Beverly Hills Cop? I certainly don't want to see that movie again.

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  11. @Angry Lurker-- I hope you're right. The one I'm really invested in is the The Thing. That's my favorite movie of all time. I'm crossing my fingers for that one.


    @Bill-- Agreed. The Thing "prequel" looks more and more like a remake every day. I myself also liked the original b/c it was an all-male cast. The film was completely focused on the story-- not sexual tension.

    I don't know if it's the James Cameron-effect, Scream, or the Xena Warrior Princess-thing, but for some reason most modern horror films seem to have female leads. Mind you, as a woman, I can appreciate it, but there are some films, like The Thing, in which I actually enjoyed an all-male cast.


    @Film Geek-- I think you're right. The remakes are typically pale shades of the originals b/c they make these remakes absent of storyline and heavy on the effects.

    The original Clash of the Titans is still the best (bad claymation and all) b/c it had a good storyline.


    @ occhio sulle espressioni-- Sono d'accordo. Pardon, io spero di dire in italiano, ma non so se dico giusto.

    C'è senza idee nuove a Hollywood. I film sono così superficiali. Non fare film come quelli sul tuo blog. I vecchi film erano molto meglio.

    Diablo Cody è una scelta terribile da scrivere Evil Dead. Non posso credere che lei affidare il lavoro a scrivere questo film classico. Sono deluso.

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  12. No surprise, I knew it was just a matter of time...

    They ran out of ideas & nobody is original anymore.

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  13. Shaking my head at Total Recall and Beverly Hills Cop.

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  14. @Real Queen of Horror-- So true. What I don't understand is that there are so many good writers out there. There are also so many great books they could use. Why do they take the lazy way out and do a remake? It's so boring.

    @Movie68-- You and me both. I do not want to see another Beverly Hills Cop film. Total Recall was made in 1990. Wow. Now we're remaking 90s films. This is just unbelievable.

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  15. The Howling has one of the best chances of that list.

    Beverly Hills Cop just makes no sense. Poltergeist will not be scary and probably won't be a "kids" movie either. Child's Play will be stuck somewhere between too serious and lame (like the new Nightmare on Elm Street). Evil Dead is nothing more than a money grab. Watch them get John Cena for They Live. Yuck.

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  16. @Kamatacci Agreed. Most of these make no sense.

    I suppose if the they can remake Miami Vice with Collin Farrell then I suppose they can do anything. Now that I think about it, Collin has his own fiefdom of remakes, Miami Vice, Fright Night, Total Recall. I'm not sure what's next for him... 48 Hours?

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  17. It is very boring. They need to quit being lazy. I don't get though, you're already changing up the story line completely but then just giving it an old name, you might as well should just come up with something NEW.

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