Monday, February 29, 2016

15 MORE RIDICULOUS THINGS ON 'THE WALKING DEAD' [SPOILERS]

I like to preface my "most ridiculous list" by emphasizing my love for 'The Walking Dead.' I have been reading the comics for almost a decade and I've watched the show since its debut in 2010. I'm a hardcore fan. Despite occasional problems on the show, I'm on the train until it hits the wall. Meaning, I will be watching until it ends. So in the spirit of fun, here is a continuation of the Most Ridiculous Things on 'The Walking Dead!' with 15 More Ridiculous Things on 'The Walking Dead!' You can see my original 2014 list here. Admittedly, some of the items below may be the writers illustrating that human behavior is often NOT logical.

15.) Your people are in bad condition. You find a fully stocked truck with enough supplies to feed your people. It's literally a miracle. You come across a friendly marauder by the name of Jesus. After stealing the truck from each other a few times, you come out on top and so does Jesus. Jesus hitches a ride on top of the truck. You break suddenly which causes him to fall off. Do you...
A.) Back up and drive away from him. He's not fast enough to catch up with a moving truck after just falling off of it. The food in this truck is much too important to lose again. Let's not forget that Michonne needs her toothpaste!

B.) Shoot the guy from the window. He may be a good guy, but you ain't got time for this.

C.) Pretend that you're in an episode of Benny Hill, chase the guy around in the truck, then one of you jumps out to chase him. Oh but that's not fun enough so both of you jump out of the truck, but fail to put on the parking brake. You park your truck close to a pond and then the inevitable happens. Oh well.

If you chose C. then you have chosen wisely.

14.) Before finding Alexandria, your group was in bad shape. You were basically living like nomads on the run, taking dumps in the woods, and fighting for your lives. It's like the extended camping trip from hell. Washington, DC has been a bust. You decide that something needs to change. You...
A.) Remember what the marauders from the bar said (the two guys Rick killed in the episode "Nebraska."). Go west young man. You decide to go to a state with a low population. Hopefully that will cut down on both the walker and the human problem. Unfortunately, this is a difficult journey. You have to prepare extensively, as you don't want it to turn into the Donner party.

B.) You start looking at maps of Virginia. Aren't there islands off the coast of Virginia and North Carolina? An island is isolated enough from people and may provide protection from the dead. The issue would be supplies. You would have to start growing food quickly.

C.) You keep walking around in circles on the outskirts of Washington, DC until Aaron finds you. Hey, it worked out didn't it?

C. is the correct answer. 

13.) There aren't that many people left, but the dead are somehow still plentiful. When you leave the relative safety of your compound what do you wear?
A.) You looked high and low, but you finally found some body gear. You keep it in the armory for supply runs. The gear protects your arms, legs, stomach, and head. If you run into the dead, it will prevent bites and may give you the chance to get away. (The only time I saw someone on the show wear body gear was in the first few episodes of the 3rd season. This concept has been forgotten).

B.) You go to a museum and get some medieval armor. You even get some armor for your horse. If you're going medieval you may as well go all the way.

C.) You wear a tee-shirt and jeans. Your two legs are the most important protection you have. Meaning-- you run.

If you answered C. then are you are correct.

12.) You discover two methods of moving around without getting attacked by the dead. One involves covering yourself with the guts of corpses so you "smell" like a walker. The other involves tying 2 (or more) walkers with amputated arms and lower jaws together and lead them around on a leash. Do you.... (I cannot take credit for #11. This suggestion was from Eric C. who commented on my last list.)
A.) Keep doing one or both of these potentially life-saving things as often as possible, even to the point of rolling in zombie guts to get covered from head-to-toe, since that would be preferable to dying an excruciatingly painful death.

B.) Only do these things occasionally (as a plot device), since life in the zombie apocalypse is far more interesting when you have to constantly worry about running from walkers who can sense you're not one of them immediately.

B. is the correct answer.

11.) A massive zombie hoard is in one central location--a quarry to be exact. The quarry is blocked off by several semi-truck trailers. One of the trailers is located perilously on a mountain ridge in danger of falling. The other two trailers are effectively blocking the zombies (except for the most brazen zombie who rips his torso off). In response to this impending doom do you...
A.) Gather anything flammable and firebomb the zombie horde as soon as possible. It may take a few days to pound them into dust, but it's possible. Destroy the zombies where they are, thereby inflicting the least number of casualties on your own people.

B.) Put up another barrier directly past the dangling tractor trailer. Perhaps you can put up one of the steel walls at that point to block off the mountain entrance. You can decide what to do with the pit of hell later.
C.) Spend several weeks planning and organizing a feeble attempt to lure the zombie horde through the streets away from your colony. You build walls around corners because zombies always walk in a straight line. Nothing could go wrong. Zombies can be trained to follow cars. There will be casualties, but most of the people who will die with be the Alexandrians, so who cares? Also, so what if the horde eats other potential survivors down the road.   

If you chose C. then you have chosen correctly.

10.) You meet two stone cold killers who tell you that they want to kill you in order to free you.  You manage to free yourself and defeat the psychos. Do you...
A.) Leave them unconscious for the zombies, ergo kill them. They are dangerous men. More dangerous than any zombie. This is a hard world and people like this are far too dangerous to live.

B.) Carry them to an empty car so they aren't killed, but hobble them in some way before leaving. This way if they sneak up on anyone else the next person will have a fighting chance. This may lead the psychos to being killed themselves, but "they have it coming."

C.) You believe these feral creatures can be rehabilitated if shown mercy. Carry them to an empty car so they aren't killed and then gently tuck them in whilst singing them a sweet lullaby. Sure why not? The world needs more crazed psychopaths roaming around.

C is the correct answer.

9.) You have a sweet little train terminal to call your own, plenty of crops, farm land, and people. You've been raided by bad guys before, but now that you're more aware that the world has changed you decide to take precautions. Not every human who knocks on your door is a good guy. Do you...
A.) Become more cautious with who is allowed into Terminus. Terminus is so easy to find (because of the train tracks), so you create a group of watchers. You don't want to mistakenly invite the wrong people in so you decide to set up a spot outside of the terminal so strangers can be monitored for at a few months before they are fully integrated into the society. There are plenty of deer in the woods. This is rural Georgia. You do not have to resort to cannibalism.

B.) You decide that Terminus is just too easy to find. The wrong people keep showing up so you decide to move your colony elsewhere. You keep a small group of people to monitor the people who show up. You invite people who seem to be normal to live with you at your new colony. There are plenty of deer in the woods. This is rural Georgia. You do not have to resort to cannibalism.

C.) You decide to become a cannibal, killing anyone who darkens your doorstep. Deer, what's a deer?

If you answered C. then you're ready to join Terminus.

Again to be fair this storyline was taken directly from the comics. In the comics, our group was stalked by a group of cannibal hunters who ate their children. Yes, they went there.

8.) Speaking of the insane cannibals-- you have an awesome setup to hunt and kill your fellow humans and turn them into stew. You have somehow managed to survive the zombie apocalypse relatively unscathed. You also have a propane tank for fuel. Do you...
A.) Keep this propane tank away from the fence. It's too easy for someone to hop the fence access the tank. Or worse, possibly shoot the tank, then launch fireworks at it, which would really...suck.

B.) Unfortunately you can't move the tank. It's too heavy to move and it needs to stay put. However, you plant trees on the outside of the fence so it's not visible to anyone outside of your community.

C.) You leave the tank vulnerable and unguarded so that a butting kicking middle aged woman can shoot it and then launch fireworks at, which will inevitably take down your fence and let the walkers in.

If you chose C, then you have officially become a Termite. 

7.) You're traumatized. You're the leader of Alexandria, but this new group of people has given you an education. You are now more aware that the world is a very dangerous place and you must be strong to survive. You've been told how to kill walkers: "the head or you're dead." You come across a walker intent on eating you, do you...
A.) Flee from a walker. You're not exactly the spryest person in the compound. Yell and ask someone to help you take this thing out.

B.) Do your best to stab the walker in the head. You may not make it, but it's worth a shot.

C.) Repeatedly stab the walker in the chest, while the walker tries to bite you? You know a chest shot isn't effective, but you're pissed. Walker blood splattering on your face looks cool.

C. is of course correct.

6.) Speaking of walker blood. If the infection is transmitted by a bite and a scratch how else can infection be transferred?
Please notice Rick's face after bathing in walker blood. This is before he shot Jessie's husband in Episode 'Conquer'
A.) If so much as a drop of walker blood gets into an open wound, your mouth, nose, eyes, etc. you can become infected. You can also become infected by bites or scratches.

B.) You only become infected by bites or scratches. You can dump a bucket of walker blood onto your face. You'll be totally fine.

B. is the correct answer.

5.) You have suffered tremendous loss. Your family is killed by a psychopath. You vow to seek revenge and kill the said psychopath in a horrible fashion. Racked with guilt, you try to turn yourself in only to find out that the world has fallen. If you're not killed by the undead, the living will gladly oblige you. Do you...
A.) Try to help those who can be helped. Defend yourself when necessary, but try to give people a chance. After all, you're well trained in Aikido. You can disarm someone with a bad look. That said, if someone tries to kill you then they're done for. No amount of PTSD should give someone a pass to be a murdering bastard and try to kill you...not even in the apocalypse. Sorry Morgan you're toast.

B.) Become a hermit, keep your Aikido stick close, and your precious goat closer. Most of the people remaining in this world are truly dangerous. There aren't that many good guys left. You avoid people as best as you can.

C.) Become a Zen-master deciding that the way of peace is the best way to live in the world. Refuse to kill even the craziest most horrible people--in self-defense. You keep a prison in house, but you never lock it. You take in a prisoner and teach him Aikido because the apocalypse is a good time to bring out your inner Mr. Miyagi (this reference Karate Kid' for the unschooled in 80's pop culture references). Then you keep a goat in an open area where it can easily become walker food.

If you answered C then you're perfect for 'The Walking Dead.'

4.) You come across a psycho cannibal who you overhear talking about killing and eating your friends. You're a 250 pound (113 Kg), 6'-foot (180 cm) hulking piece of man. Carol, a woman of slender build (5'6" or 167 cm) tells you that she's off to handle business. You have one job. Just one job. WATCH THE PSYCHO. While Carol is off rescuing people and killing people who need killing, all you have to do is make sure the guy stays put and tied up.

Not only do you not tie the psycho killer's feet, but you give him the opening he needs to get free and grab the infant in your care. This scumbag threatens to kill you and the innocent baby. Fearing for the baby's safety, you let him trick you outside, while he's inside with innocent baby Judith. 

Thankfully you manage to get the drop on him and beat him within an inch of his life. You know that if you let this person live he will likely follow you for revenge and potentially kill you or your people. What do you do?
A.) Kill the cannibal. You hate killing, but this person is too dangerous to live. You don't like it, but it's got to be done. This person is literally a CANNIBAL and has no redeeming qualities.

B.) Allow Carol to kill the psychopath because you couldn't bring yourself to kill another human being.

C.) Beat the psycho within an inch of his life, but leave him alive. When Carol tries to finish the job, you prevent her from doing so by saying that he's dead when you clearly know he's not. BASICALLY, YOU LIE AND PUT YOUR ENTIRE GROUP IN JEOPARDY. If the cannibal follows you and captures you again, you'll ask him nicely to leave you alone.

If you answered C, then you're nearly there.

3.) You're a filler character. Not only that, but you're irritating and weak-willed. You've been coddled by tall walls, running water, and electricity. You have minimal survival skills and are basically a walking lunchable. Now that the battle hardened survivors have arrived to show you what a moron you are do you:
A.) Try to make yourself useful anyway you can. Become a shadow to the battle hardened survivors watching what they do and try to make yourself useful to them. Hopefully they will consider you to be one of them, then you'll survive?

B.) In order to feel important you rappel to a structurally unsound church roof using a grappling hook and rope, knowing you will likely fall into a pit of walkers and be eaten alive-- all in the hopes that you can make it across the rickety rope, down the unsound structure, and into a working car to lure the walkers away? Then when someone deigns to save you, you make yourself feel better by yelling at others for secretly raiding the pantry-- and then proceed to do so yourself.

If you chose B. then you have chosen wisely.

2.) You're covered in walker guts. You are in the midst of a horde. You do not have a group in good fighting shape. Your group includes Father Gabriel (who is mentally unstable), two children (Judith and Sam) and at least one unstable and potentially homicidal teenager (Ron). What do you do...
A.) Get everyone to a relatively safe location. Then gather a second group of battle hardened people to make their way through the dead, set a fire that draws the dead, silently killing the stragglers as the horde moves toward the fire. If the fire doesn't work, then you can gather a group to go to the quarry.

B.) Allow the weaker members of the group to a safe location. Jessie-- knowing that her son Sam could not handle the stress of the prolonged trip, decides to go with Gabriel to safety. Then Rick takes the remainder members of the group to the quarry to gather vehicles to lure the dead away.

C.) Allow the mentally unstable Father Gabriel to take your infant daughter, while the rest of the group continues to the quarry. You decide to take the unstable and possibly murderous teenager, Ron and the frightened but lovable Sam along for the ride. Seriously, how far is this quarry? Did they really think all of them would make it?

C. is the correct answer.

To be fair-- this was taken directly from the comics. The difference in the comics was that Maggie was also there with Sofia (Sofia is still alive in the comics). Maggie decided to remain in the house, as the house was not under attack at the time. Rick was taking a big risk leaving the house. When they left Jessie's son became frightened and demanded to go back to the house, which led to his (and her) demise.

MAJOR SPOILER. BEWARE BELOW. HERE BE MONSTERS.
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1.) There's an iconic scene in the comics when Rick meets Negan (to be played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, affectionately referred from this point forward as JDM) for the first time. To prove a point to Rick, Negan brutally beats the beloved Glenn (Steven Yeun) to death with a baseball bat. It's horrific, unexpected, and senseless.

However, as you know the television show frequently diverts from the comics, so this may not come to pass, but if I were a betting person I would say TPTB (the powers that be) will write it into the television series as well, because it's such an iconic scene and a turning point for the remaining characters. 

*Remember.* Glenn is one of the original survivors in both the television show (Rick, Carol, Carl, Darryl, and Glenn) and in the comics (Rick, Carl, Andrea, and Glenn). His loss is devastating. The tv show went in a different direction when it killed off Andrea, as she's still alive in the comics. In the television show Andrea's character has been split between Michonne, Sasha, and Carol. Darryl doesn't exist in the comics.

Knowing that this iconic scene is coming soon, as a writer on 'The Walking Dead' do you:
A.) Rewrite the scene with another actor. It really wouldn't have the same emotional impact, but it could work.

B.) Keep the scene with Glenn. Use this plot point in either one of the mid-season finales or season finales. Allow the audience to enjoy Glenn while they have him.

C.) Troll the fans by "fake-killing" Glenn so that when you "real-kill" him, people will be even more devastated. Oh...and then draw out the "fake-killing" thing for at least four or five episodes for maximum effect, because that would be really funny right? No...it wasn't funny. It was just cheap.

If you chose C., then you might just be a writer on 'The Walking Dead.'

10 comments:

  1. I'd say that was hilarious if it wasn't all true. Some dumb mistakes there.

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    Replies
    1. Ha, ha. Unfortunately it is all true! It is pretty hilarious though...most of it at least.

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  2. Like you, I love the show. I also notice a lot of things that don't make sense. I usually just forget about them. One thing really bothers me a lot. We all know they have to be quiet, or they will drawn in walkers. Why aren't they still using silencers?

    Even with the spoiler alert, I read on anyway. My granddaughter is going to be soooo upset!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Pat! I've thought the same thing too. I probably would have added that to the list, however, I think I have on occasion seen both Sasha and Rick use silencers. I'm not sure if they ran out of ammunition for the pistols that had silencers. I've also seen a video about how silencers work and from what I remember they aren't actually that silent. They muffle the sound, but not like the movies and television show us.

      Awww, I'm with your granddaughter. I love that character to so much. I will be disappointed if it happens, but it will be expected.

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  3. LOL I love these posts. I'm also a mega fan of TWD, but the writing is so inconsistent that I think I'm watching out of 1) Being a massive Carol fan and 2) because I've invested way too much time to give up.

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    1. The writing is so inconsistent. It's hard to love this show, but I do. I really wish they gave Carol more to do. I miss Carol.

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  4. I'm not a fan of that show, not because of anything about the show, but I'm over zombies currently. I find them to be gross.

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    1. Ha ha. They are pretty gross and getting grosser as the show goes on.

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  5. God damn I wish this didn't have as many episodes as it does because the series looks hysterical and I'd love to see it. But I'd tune in for sure to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

    This post was hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha, thanks! Yes the more I watch the show the harder I laugh. I think that's all you can do when a show does stupid stuff like this. I am so excited about JDMs appearance. He will definitely be worth watching.

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